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Archive for the ‘Ramblings’ Category

The past couple of months have been rough on me; illness, lots of traveling and feeling slightly overwhelmed by the big picture, that I am missing everything.

I allow myself to get so bogged down in the high expectations that I set for myself.

I call this the “I shoulds”.

• I should own a home by now
• I should have no debt by now
• I should not be struggling by now
• I should have a college degree by now

On and on and on.

They say that we are all our own worst critic, this is the honest truth.

I beat myself up on a daily basis for the shoulds I have listed and a plethora of others I haven’t.

Since yesterday afternoon I have felt this sense of peace that I cannot explain.

I follow many blogs mostly DIY home décor but see my tastes changing to more lifestyle/family blogs. A guest post “The Grace of Now” on Kelle Hampton’s Enjoying Small Things has made me reassess.

I need to enjoy the now which has always been something that is just beyond my grasp.

The nows are all moments that are perfect in their smallness that I will never see again or ever get back.

The nows are Leo dancing to a diet coke commercial during the Oscars completely on his own.

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The nows are a hug from Joey where the warmth of our love is felt and reenforces that he and I are meant to be.

The nows are this little family enjoying dinner together and laughing at how Leo gets so hyped up when drinking water.

I need to envelope my family and myself in love and grasp tightly to that magic.

Having my children look back when they are grown and saying that they had the best childhood is my number one goal in life.

With all of the above said and taken into consideration I am putting the below into place:

• Leave work at work
• Limit screen time when with my boys
• Embrace that I am blessed to have my son and am sharing my life with his amazing father, who loves me
• Place my worries on the back burner

That is my peace.

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Last post was over the top bitchy.

To make up for it I will throw in a cat picture.

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The red fire extinguisher sign is still staring at me. WTF dude?! Get a life and stare at someone else.

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Click this link and listen to this bomb ass (yes, I am 17!) song and then read my post.

I would love to blog more but I don’t have access to the home computer on a regular basis. I have put this unnecessary pressure on myself to have “great” photos even though I am sure the ones I have edited still suck. I am now an iPhone blogger. My pictures will be taken/edited with my iPhone and I will call it good.

This way you will see me more often. I hope that makes you happy.

Also, I think I want to change the name of the blog and the look. Standby.

I want to blog about whatever is in my crazy hodge-podge brain and not feel like I have pigeon-holed myself into a specific category.

xoxo

P.S. I know I owe you Halloween, First Birthday Party, and 12 months. The party nearly killed me along with my mom and sister. I have finished Charlotte’s Gallery Wall will post about that soon.

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Yesterday, I was having a bit of a pity party.

Joey went off to do something so I decided that Leo and I would go cruise over to Michael’s.

As I was pulling out of the driveway I felt a little sad for myself, and attempted to call my mom and sister. Neither answered.

I went to Michael’s, walked around finding the paper and styrofoam balls I needed for another party idea.

Still feeling sad for myself.

After a year of living in the bay area I have yet to make one friend that I can ring up and say “hey, wanna go to the craft store?”

I had a twice monthly “working mothers” group, but stopped going because the group and the leader were too judgmental for my taste. I wasn’t organic enough, I was having sleep issues with Leo that were apparently my fault, etc.

Leo is enrolled in Gymboree, but the classes fall on days I work and the few times I have made it in I get the “WOW, Leo’s mommy is here!”

Awesome! Thanks!

I have tried chatting up others moms at Gymboree but haven’t met anyone that seems like friend potential.

I have even tried the Café Mom website which has a god awful user interface and found one nice woman nearby. We hung out a few times but didn’t seem to have much in common.

Meeting friends at work is not so much an option because I live so far away.

Joey bought me a book recently called “MWF seeks BFF: My Yearlong Search for a new best friend” which so far is good but she is who I was three years ago. Three years ago I had plenty of friends and didn’t have trouble making them. Not sure if it will help or not.

One other thing I noticed is the lack of mommies in my age group. They all seem to be 10+ years old or are 23. I have always had older friends but older in the suburbs translates differently than older in the big city. 23 is only a seven year age difference but holy crap. I just can’t do. I’ve tried.

Any tips on meeting mommy friends? Or how to make friends after 30?

P.S. Sister called later to inform me that her and our mother were in Wendover. Typical right? Having fun without me! Bitches. 😉

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I listen to my Reba McEntire station on Pandora everyday to and from work.

I love Reba. LOVE.

Have since I was a little girl.

I’m not ashamed of her so don’t say anything bad about her, or I will stab you.

If you aren’t familiar with Pandora it’s the most amazing “radio” app ever.

You pick a person/song/genre and it does the rest. Giving you songs that are like what you entered. You give songs the thumbs up or thumbs down and it figures out what to play from there.

ANYWAY for the part I am ashamed of.

One of my suggested songs is called “Could’ve been me” by that annoying little twit Miley’s daddy.

Yup, that would be Billy Ray Cyrus.

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Source

Mr. Achy Breaky Heart himself.

It’s a great song and I LOVE LOVE it.

I know those of you who know me in the flesh are embarrassed for me.

Haha!

Love you guys!

Muah!

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Last night I started preparing dinner, not sure where that wild hair came from.

You see, I don’t cook. I don’t like cooking and I am not good at it, maybe from a lack from practice but nonetheless a craptastic cook. Unless it is Lasagna. I like making it and I have been told I make the best lasagna a lot of people have ever tasted.

We had decided earlier in the day that we would have chicken strips (not healthy but delicious), bok choy, and sweet potato fries.

Joey made sweet potato fries last week for the first time as a healthy alternative to regular potato fries. They were good but not crisp enough.

I think Joey was in shock when I was taking over in the kitchen. He is our house cook and very good at it.

He was micromanaging me from the couch and got yelled at for it. HAHA!

I made the below recipes and although it took me WAY longer than it would take a normal person , I am shocked at how freaking good it all was.

Baked Sweet Potato Fries – I think the key here is too make sure that the fries are thin cut and that you don’t crowd them.

Fried Chicken Strips – I used Panko instead of saltines. I made the mistake of turning some pieces too soon and then their breading fell off. Live and learn.

Bok Choy a.k.a. Chinese Broccoli – I didn’t have white pepper powder and don’t know what it is really but the bok choy was bomb without it.

Joey said it was yummy, but he a) may have been nice because I actually cooked b) said nice things to encourage me to cook more often or c) a little of both a and b.

I also made Leo some cooked carrots, he liked them a little bit but is going through a phase where he spits EVERYTHING out.

Have you cooked anything lately? Do you cook?

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Three years

August 14, 2009:

I was breaking the law by talking to my mom on the phone while driving to my favorite Mexican restaurant Casa Vega. I was telling her about the guy that I was meeting up with and how I wasn’t sure if I should be nervous or not.

Sept 2009 – LA County Fair

I was arriving 15 minutes early and figured I would grab a drink in the bar and hang out while I waited for him As I swung into the valet I said “Mama, I think he beat me here and if that’s him, he is HOT!”

May 2010 – Lakers Playoff Game for Joey’s Birthday

It was him, he was smoking hot, and from that first date we were both hooked.

June 2010 – Housewarming Party for Joey’s Dad

We did the dance and song that young people especially in big cities do which is try not to be serious, not let the other know how into them you are, and overall play it cool.

July 2010 – Houston’s in Culver City

It was just an act. HAHA!

July 2010 – Vegas for my birthday

We broke up for a couple of months when we first started starting dating and the week after we got back together, I found out that I needed to have a major surgery. At the time I wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong with me and was scared it was going to be a bad outcome. I was sure that this was going to be too intense and that Joey would bail. He didn’t. He stood by me, stayed with me the night before the surgery, took me to the hospital, and visited me often while I was recovering.

September 2010 – The day after we moved in together

When people would ask me what made Joey great when we were first dating and I would tell them that he SAW me.

Snookie and a Jewish Rapper

Not the one I show everyone, but the real me. He did from the very first date which was incredibly unnerving and amazing at the same time. He also treated me with such kindness. I didn’t know that was something that could completely endear someone to me,  but it is not something I have been shown very often in my life. Especially from a man.  Joey constantly surprised me; insisting I move in with him when I had to vacate the place I was living quickly, being happy with his shock when we had the “WHOOPS! I am pregnant” moment.

November 2010 – Joey took me to Pennsylvania to meet his mom

August 14, 2012:

My life is different in every way. Different city, different job and different responsibilities (I’m a mama).

Writing this post while my baby is watching Super Readers and his Daddy is reading the news my heart is filled with love, gratitude, and appreciation. I know Joey doesn’t know that it is our three year anniversary which I think is kind of funny and super cute because men don’t remember these dates.

I am a lucky girl to have a man in my life who loves me, loves our son and shows it everyday in every way.

May 2011 – My first visit to Washington D.C. (3 months pregnant)

Joey has a big job putting up with me.

June 2011 – Malibu (4 months pregnant)

On my best day  I am still bitchy, dismissive, petulant and have a mood that changes 12 times.

He takes it in stride most days and loves me anyway.

09/10/11 – At Joey’s BFF’s wedding.

He is an amazing father which doesn’t surprise me, I knew he would be a good dad. However, the time and care he puts into Leo, the things he wants for him are things I’ve never seen first hand in a father.

January 2012 – First Night out after Leo was born

Not to portray us as all sunshine and rainbows, you pair up two people that are incredibly aggressive, strong minded, strong willed and you have a recipe for the knock down/drag down fights. We have them.

July 5, 2012 – My 30th Birthday

At the end of the day though there is no one I would rather spend my days with, build a life with, raise my children with, and fight with.

Happy Anniversary Joey, you are the love of my life and I love you to the moon and back!

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