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Posts Tagged ‘love’

The past couple of months have been rough on me; illness, lots of traveling and feeling slightly overwhelmed by the big picture, that I am missing everything.

I allow myself to get so bogged down in the high expectations that I set for myself.

I call this the “I shoulds”.

• I should own a home by now
• I should have no debt by now
• I should not be struggling by now
• I should have a college degree by now

On and on and on.

They say that we are all our own worst critic, this is the honest truth.

I beat myself up on a daily basis for the shoulds I have listed and a plethora of others I haven’t.

Since yesterday afternoon I have felt this sense of peace that I cannot explain.

I follow many blogs mostly DIY home décor but see my tastes changing to more lifestyle/family blogs. A guest post “The Grace of Now” on Kelle Hampton’s Enjoying Small Things has made me reassess.

I need to enjoy the now which has always been something that is just beyond my grasp.

The nows are all moments that are perfect in their smallness that I will never see again or ever get back.

The nows are Leo dancing to a diet coke commercial during the Oscars completely on his own.

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The nows are a hug from Joey where the warmth of our love is felt and reenforces that he and I are meant to be.

The nows are this little family enjoying dinner together and laughing at how Leo gets so hyped up when drinking water.

I need to envelope my family and myself in love and grasp tightly to that magic.

Having my children look back when they are grown and saying that they had the best childhood is my number one goal in life.

With all of the above said and taken into consideration I am putting the below into place:

• Leave work at work
• Limit screen time when with my boys
• Embrace that I am blessed to have my son and am sharing my life with his amazing father, who loves me
• Place my worries on the back burner

That is my peace.

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Three years

August 14, 2009:

I was breaking the law by talking to my mom on the phone while driving to my favorite Mexican restaurant Casa Vega. I was telling her about the guy that I was meeting up with and how I wasn’t sure if I should be nervous or not.

Sept 2009 – LA County Fair

I was arriving 15 minutes early and figured I would grab a drink in the bar and hang out while I waited for him As I swung into the valet I said “Mama, I think he beat me here and if that’s him, he is HOT!”

May 2010 – Lakers Playoff Game for Joey’s Birthday

It was him, he was smoking hot, and from that first date we were both hooked.

June 2010 – Housewarming Party for Joey’s Dad

We did the dance and song that young people especially in big cities do which is try not to be serious, not let the other know how into them you are, and overall play it cool.

July 2010 – Houston’s in Culver City

It was just an act. HAHA!

July 2010 – Vegas for my birthday

We broke up for a couple of months when we first started starting dating and the week after we got back together, I found out that I needed to have a major surgery. At the time I wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong with me and was scared it was going to be a bad outcome. I was sure that this was going to be too intense and that Joey would bail. He didn’t. He stood by me, stayed with me the night before the surgery, took me to the hospital, and visited me often while I was recovering.

September 2010 – The day after we moved in together

When people would ask me what made Joey great when we were first dating and I would tell them that he SAW me.

Snookie and a Jewish Rapper

Not the one I show everyone, but the real me. He did from the very first date which was incredibly unnerving and amazing at the same time. He also treated me with such kindness. I didn’t know that was something that could completely endear someone to me,  but it is not something I have been shown very often in my life. Especially from a man.  Joey constantly surprised me; insisting I move in with him when I had to vacate the place I was living quickly, being happy with his shock when we had the “WHOOPS! I am pregnant” moment.

November 2010 – Joey took me to Pennsylvania to meet his mom

August 14, 2012:

My life is different in every way. Different city, different job and different responsibilities (I’m a mama).

Writing this post while my baby is watching Super Readers and his Daddy is reading the news my heart is filled with love, gratitude, and appreciation. I know Joey doesn’t know that it is our three year anniversary which I think is kind of funny and super cute because men don’t remember these dates.

I am a lucky girl to have a man in my life who loves me, loves our son and shows it everyday in every way.

May 2011 – My first visit to Washington D.C. (3 months pregnant)

Joey has a big job putting up with me.

June 2011 – Malibu (4 months pregnant)

On my best day  I am still bitchy, dismissive, petulant and have a mood that changes 12 times.

He takes it in stride most days and loves me anyway.

09/10/11 – At Joey’s BFF’s wedding.

He is an amazing father which doesn’t surprise me, I knew he would be a good dad. However, the time and care he puts into Leo, the things he wants for him are things I’ve never seen first hand in a father.

January 2012 – First Night out after Leo was born

Not to portray us as all sunshine and rainbows, you pair up two people that are incredibly aggressive, strong minded, strong willed and you have a recipe for the knock down/drag down fights. We have them.

July 5, 2012 – My 30th Birthday

At the end of the day though there is no one I would rather spend my days with, build a life with, raise my children with, and fight with.

Happy Anniversary Joey, you are the love of my life and I love you to the moon and back!

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Without further ado, here is my new girl, her name is Charlotte.

My butt is currently parked here and I couldn’t be more comfortable.

She is petite, pink-ish, totally NOT me and I LOVE her.

The pillows she came with have pink flowers on them. I DON’T DO FLORALS! Sorry to scream about the florals but dang! I snagged these two pillows off my couch and the black in them helps the little black table make sense.

I may darken her legs because we are having a bit of a color clash between the floor, table and the legs but, I am so in love with Charlotte. I know what you are thinking, “She said she doesn’t buy upholstered furniture used?” Charlotte is PRISTINE! I think she may have been reupholstered and spent her life in some rich lady’s sitting room, never being used.

Here is another view.

This space if you remember is My Nook, which I talk about here and even with a furniture change out its still horribly under accessorized. I have an idea to deal with the HUGE blank space above Charlotte, which is a three part deal.

One I found at ETSY which is on it’s way now. When I have two of the three parts, I will put it up because I think the third part may take FOREVER to stumble upon. BTW…How much do you LOVE Etsy?! I am in this crazy 70s obsessed mode right now (Joey thinks I am crazy). This 70s mode has my mom (Thanks Mommy! Love you!) digging out wall hangings that hung in EVERY house I grew up in. I want them hanging in my house.

Etsy and a 70s tangent??

Let’s get back to Charlotte.

Here’s a closer look with my favorite male model.

Look at those freaking nail heads!!! Oh and his aunt does rock!

Please tell me you love Charlotte too?

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My darling little alien love monkey baby turned seven months on Thursday.

His reverse mullet is getting better the party is spreading to the back of his head and he has three bottom teeth, which the little punk used to BITE me with. Actually today he was quite abusive, I was trying to get him to go back to sleep this morning and he wasn’t having it so he head butted me in the mouth.

Fat lips are all the rage.

Always showing you how pretty I am. Dude, no makeup first thing in the morning is SO not a good look.

We did his monthly photo shoot with the help of his Auntie Bird and here is his 7mth shot.

The Runner Ups

Trying to escape but doesn’t like the feel of grass on his skin. Face plant!

Male model?

The first attempt favorites that I realized didn’t work because you couldn’t see how much he has grown.

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Always with the tongue

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Check out Leo’s monthlies to see him from utero.

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6 months

6 months

Monday was a BIG and busy day for us. Leo turned six months old, he had a doctor’s appointment and we had an AD!

I prepare Leo, starting a few days in advance by telling him that we are going to see Dr. W. How exciting that is and how much we like him. I hope that this will help him see doctors and visits as a positive thing.

Dr. W has a fantastic bedside manner and is great with Leo. He examined Leo and answered all of our questions and informed us that we should start Leo on solid foods. We were provided with a printout as to which foods (rice cereal) to start with and how to add different foods later on.

I just don’t feel right about starting with rice, this just does not make sense to me. I have some research to do; I will update when I figure out what it is that I want to do.

The appointment ended with Leo receiving his shots which was quite traumatic for me us. Seeing him cry in pain is so difficult to watch, I am have become such a sap.

When we got home I took his six month photo in the backyard. Again the kid LOVES being outside, he cooed and talked the whole time.

Here is his six month picture.

Here are the photos that didn’t make the cut, that I think are fabulous (I am a smidge biased).

Fish out of water!

Created a page for his monthlies here.

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Several days ago I saw this blog post by April Perry, linked on a girlfriend’s Facebook page; clicked the link, read the post and had a hit me, like a truck full of bricks moment.

April writes:

“There’s this crazy phenomenon going on right now. Good, devoted mothers get on Pinterest . . . and blogs . . . and Facebook . . . and Twitter . . . and then they flip through parenting magazines and TV channels (full of advertisements and media hype) . . . and they’re convinced they’re not enough.

They’re convinced that everyone else has magnetic, alphabetized spice containers, and unless their garden parties are thematically accessorized with butterfly lanterns, and they’re wearing the latest fashions (in a size two, of course), there’s no point in even showing up for the day.”

She’s right, it is CRAZY!! This is exactly how I have been feeling for the past five months or so since giving birth to my son Leo.

I was trapped in what I refer to as postpartum hell for the first four months, exhibiting all of the typical signs of PPD.

In layman’s terms, a complete and utter frightful and often times scary mess.*

The first six months of parenting is a bitch, a beautiful bitch but nonetheless a bitch, even without adding all of these external, superficial pressures.

Leo wants ME! He doesn’t care if his hair is a freaking mess (ala Donald Trump) or if my hair is a mess (ala fat Kristie Alley) in desperate need of a cut and color. He doesn’t care about the 100 other things that I have been worried and having anxiety about.

You know how I know this? At the end of the day when the love of my life and Leo’s daddy (Joey) picks me up from the train station and Leo sees me his eyes light up. We shuttle home, eat dinner, Joey goes off to the gym and Leo and I have our alone time together.

We sing songs, play with toys, play peek-a-boo with his favorite blankies (these are amazing; they have crib sheets as well that I have been coveting) and end the night nursing, rocking, and singing him to sleep to his favorite song (the ABCs). His smiles and laughs tell me he is happy.

I have a happy, healthy baby and a man that loves me.

I am done with this craziness.

*Sorry Joey and thank you for putting up with me, I love you.

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